What is the quickest way to create peace at home?
Remember that ALL behavior is communication.
Children with challenging behaviors often hear “no” throughout their day – “no” you didn’t do that task correctly, “no” you’re disrupting others, “no” that behavior is unacceptable.
Parents often express sadness that they are forced to express such negativity when what they want to do is somehow get through to their child the love that they have – yet they must teach their children proper behaviors, manners and values.
What if there was a way to express love AND transform your child’s behaviors?
Enter messages of “heartfelt appreciation.”
These are messages that provide a powerful positive message that will match the intensity a child’s brain is seeking in a way that is loving toward them and feels good to you.
Instead of reacting to his challenging behavior with negative emotional “reward” (e.g. big gestures, loud voice, threatening posture by standing tall above your child’s) try using the following phrase “when you ___ I feel ___ because ___.” This will trigger a release of chemicals that satisfies your child’s need for intense emotions.
For example, if your child refuses to get dressed for school in the morning before eating breakfast try catch the small positive step he makes in the right direction. This might be walking towards the closet and looking inside or him verbally choosing from the two outfits you laid out the night before. At this moment you could say something like, “when you made a choice to get dressed on your own just now it makes me feel so proud because it shows me that you know our morning routine and want to help keep the peace in our home.”
Imagine how it will feel to say this and how it will make him feel just to hear this message about how good he is. Not to mention this type of message creates new brain pathways that seem to say “yes, this is a good route, try this again next time.” Give it a try! You just may find that his need to scream, kick/hit/bite or refuse to follow directions will diminish as he receives this new type of positive emotional reward.
For assistance on how to effectively insert this into your interactions and avoid triggering negative responses please contact us directly. We are confident we can help you build deeper, loving relationships and create peace in your home.
Want more ideas to decrease stress? Schedule your private parenting consultation today by visiting: https://www.mad2glad.com/clarity/