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Stop Resentment, Stay Married

Marriage can be a difficult arrangement at times. With different ideas on how to clean, raise the kids and manage finances it’s no wonder partners get irritated with one another and resentment builds.

[And if you get irritated with your child be sure to download your free 10 Hidden Landmines report here!]

As a newlywed I thought the honeymoon phase would last longer than 3 months but it didn’t take very long to realize that my around-the-house skill set is more…hmm, let’s say… “robust” than my husband’s.

If you’re anything like me you want your partner to take on a fairly equal amount of household and family responsibilities without having to ask or remind (or nag!).

Now, I know you love your partner and I love my husband, Tye, dearly but this resentment cycle is no secret. In fact, it even makes sense because we all have unique strengths and constantly need to establish roles and responsibilities.

However, if you don’t find a way to proactively manage these in a way that feels good to both parties it can be deadly to your spirit and relationship.

Since you are primarily responsible for your own well-being and can’t force another person to do anything, no matter how long you’ve known each other it’s important that you find inner peace…without exclusively relying on him to provide it. When you’re happy you can receive instead of resent him – even if your task list is 100 items longer.

How to stop resentment and stay married: three simple questions

1. What am I grateful for right now?
Gratitude is a powerful emotion to lighten your mental burden and make you happier and more present to things that are good in your life. Similar to kids’ bad behavior patterns that can be interrupted with a 30-second break, gratitude interrupts resentment and replaces it with positivity.

2. What will I enjoy today?
Keeping your eye on something fun allows you to move through your extensive task list with more flow because your unconscious mind understands the drudgery won’t last “forever.” Whether it’s an afternoon nap, a yoga class or making a nourishing meal even if it doesn’t feel like you have time…doing one thing you enjoy every day makes you feel more fulfilled.

3. What can I do to feel connected this week?
If you’re waiting for more attention from your partner to fill your emotional bucket it’s gonna be awhile! That’s because we, as individuals, are responsible for filling our own buckets 90% full – a partner can only provide 10%. So, if you’re starting at 0% fulfillment his attention will hardly touch your resentment. I get connected by breathing fresh air while walking in the woods, spending time with a girlfriend or looking through old cards/love letters.

Taking your own steps to shift your perspective can have a profound impact on your marriage.

[Remember to  download your free 10 Hidden Landmines report here so that you get a new perspective on your child!]

Embarrassingly, I focused on all the things I’ve been doing over the last month and didn’t even notice my husband changed all the clocks for daylight savings until after writing this article and reflecting on these questions. Funny how immediately gratitude reminds us to get out of our own head and see the good in others.  Let it infuse you with vibrancy and let go of resentment that can suck the life out of you and your marriage.

Now, I’m curious to hear from you… what do you resent most AND what are you grateful for?

Thanks, as always, for joining in the discussion and leaving your comment! I look forward to reading and connecting with you below.

2 Comments

  • Bonnie says:

    I’m grateful for…

    –my husband’s strong faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior
    –my husband’s desire that the family stay connected and spend time together
    –my husband’s handy man skills around the house (he can do anything!)
    –my husband’s strong work ethic to provide for the family
    –my husband’s love whether I look/feel frumpy or all dressed up

    I resent him when…
    –he tries to lead the family in a demanding way
    –interrupts our time because someone else “needs” something
    –tries to fix things when I want him to listen and empathize

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