Do you feel self-doubt about being qualified to be a mother? A very special client of mine, Anka, courageously shared the TRUTH about raising her sensitive, emotional and stubborn children, and how parent coaching removed her self-doubt about being qualified to raise them. I’m honored to share her story with you.
We have 2 daughters, currently they are 2 and 4.5 years old. Both of them are very sensitive, emotional and stubborn children who like to test our patience on a daily basis. In May of 2014, we heard Samantha speak at a community center and became very interested in her services. We were not originally looking for any help with our parenting, but the information she gave us was very different than anything I have ever heard of.
I was going through a very rough period of self-doubt about being qualified to be a mother. My older daughter was very frustrating and I did not handle it well. She did not like to follow any instructions, I would get upset and yell at her. She would scream back at me “Bad Mommy!”, and that hurt a lot. Our younger daughter was in full blown Terrible Twos already, she needed to be wrestled to get into the car seat, change diaper, put on clothes… All I could think was “I need help, I can’t fight with them every day.”
So my husband and I had a long talk and decided to sign up for Samantha’s program. In addition to the money, this was also a huge time commitment, not only to attend the meetings, but also to start putting all the tools into practice at home. But this was a long term investment into the well-being of our entire family, and therefore priceless.
Some people are natural at parenting, we definitely were not.
Samantha’s program is very specific and took us step by step through a process of changing the atmosphere in our household. I needed that kind of specific instruction because I am a Type A personality – follow the book. But what I ultimately realized was how much my behavior was influencing my children’s moods. That was the biggest value I gained from her program, learning self-control so that our children would mirror the calm behavior we were displaying, instead of the rage I felt inside.
It also made my husband and I communicate much better about how we were treating our children. We were forced to talk on a weekly basis, and were accountable to someone other than ourselves to make progress. In one of our sessions, my husband revealed that he was being too soft with the girls because he thought I was being too rough.
Clearly we were not parenting in unity.
Samantha was very skilled at pointing out specific values that we needed to work on, like family unity. She said our older daughter needs to feel more like we are all a part of one unit. I never would have come to that conclusion, I almost didn’t believe her. Having a professional outsider say things like that helped me look at our family from a different point of view than just my own feelings and my inner child.
What I needed to learn and accept is that spirited and strong-willed personalities are more difficult to deal with than other children, and they will never stop testing our patience. That is a fact. But we as parents have enormous power over their behavior, and as Samantha coached us, our behavior changed, and so did our family dynamics.
I definitely feel more confident in my parenting today than I did a year ago. I also feel SO much better knowing we are doing a better job at raising our children the “right” way, and that we gained the knowledge and personal growth so early in our parenting journey.
If you do decide to invest in your family with parent coaching, here are some important things that I think will make your money’s worth:
- Do the homework, invest the time and the effort and do your best to follow all of Samantha’s suggestions. Samantha is not a miracle worker, she is like an athlete coach. She tells us which exercises are best to get the results we want, but we have to trust her and do the hard work.
- Take advantage of all the extra sessions, VIP coaching, question time, emails, Facebook group – this is when you can get your family specific help at no extra cost. This was the key to our personal success.
- Have patience, patience, patience! The hardest part is waiting for our children to notice the changes and forget the old ways. And having patience to remain calm through tantrums is extremely hard!
- Take lots of notes and re-visit them often. It will help bring all the material together later on in the program. It is easy to forget some of the integral parts of the coaching because we can only focus on so many things at a time.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just the fact that you are considering getting extra help means that you are already doing the best that you can, and you want the best for your family. Everyone has hardships, they just don’t talk about it.
As you can see by the book I wrote above, I love sharing our story. No matter your circumstances, Samantha has probably seen it all, and I am sure she will give you helpful advice. If you need to wait a little longer and save up for the program it’s worth it. She loves her job, so I don’t think she is going anywhere. 🙂
As a mother to a mother, I wish you the best, we have the hardest job in the world!
Anka is a smart and vibrant woman who sets a great example of being a dedicated mother. If you feel like you experience similar challenges with your children and want to plot out a road map on how to get a handle on their behavior, let’s connect. Apply for your private parenting consultation with me here. You’ll have the opportunity to share what’s going on in your family and I will identify steps you can take so your child is calmer and home feels more peaceful.
Want more ideas to decrease stress? Call/email us today to schedule your private parenting consultation at 651-705-6665 / Relief@mad2glad.com