How to Stop a Child from Being Angry

“How can I stop a child from being so angry?”

“WHY is he so angry…and how can I fix it?!”

Parents, educators, and therapists ask this question every single week.  I’m glad — because it means you care but I’m sad too — because it means we’re missing the simple answer that all the brain science is telling us.

Let me explain.

Children are not angry because they have poor self control.
Children are not angry because they want to get their way.
Children are not angry because life is unfair and the teacher was mean to them.

It makes sense we would think that way but the brain-science-truth is — children are angry because they don’t know how to find inner peace.

And when we try to “fix” the anger by talking about how it disrupts the classroom, or feels disrespectful, or makes peers not want to be their friends we bypass the only effective long-term solution!

To decrease anger — and tap into inner peace — children need us to model two things:

  1. Calm
  2. Connection

Calm means you keeping your cool instead of exploding at the child out of sheer frustration so children learn what self-control looks like and feels like.

Connection means staying present with the child so they learn they are worthy in all their emotions and receive your help in processing them through listening, validation, and encouragement.

Once you check those two boxes off the list we can move into our natural adult tendency of problem-solving and co-creating a solution so the emotions and behavior don’t perpetuate.

What if you could have more energy and more enjoyment as you work with, and raise, children?

It is possible if you start from the bottom of the brain and work your way up.  

Along the way, you will discover an inner peace as you’re practicing calm presence and patient connection yourself!

Want proven tools to decrease anger?  Here are 2 ways:

  1. Get on-demand access to the 8-week online parent training, Mad2Glad Blueprint here (297 value — save $100!)
  2. Attend the Free Webinar on Tools to Calm Intense Behavior here 

As always,  I love hearing from you — How do you help children process anger more effectively?  

Leave a comment below.




  • Hi Samantha,
    I really appreciate what you share, and the simplicity of how you present. Thank You! I’ll add that working with the nervous system regarding anger is very important. Anger is a self-protective response; the sympathetic energy of the fight/flight response. Allowed in a healthy and supportive way, it is an expression of healthy aggression, which is a expression of establishing healthy boundaries. Many times, kids with underlying trauma really need to be supported in expressing healthy aggression. And many times, these same kids have experienced medical interventions that in and of themselves, were traumatic. Peter Levine’s book “Trauma Through A Child’s Eyes” is super helpful. As a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, SEP, I work a lot with kids and adults in supporting the release of “stuck” self-protective energy through allowing healthy anger expression.
    Warm Regards,

    • Samantha Moe says:

      I absolutely agree with your addition re: the nervous system and appreciate the work you do as a SEP. It’s incredible to see how kids and adults can thrive when that stuck self-protective energy is released and can be routed toward something that brings greater joy into lives.
      ~Samantha Moe

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