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Sobbing, yelling, hating: how to defuse the emotional bomb

By September 23, 2014 Emotional Connection 2 Comments

When your child yells “I hate you” and threatens to move out of the house are you stuck wondering, “what can I do to make this better?”

Are you the parent of an intense kid who wants a mindful way to defuse the emotional bomb?

Kids who have trouble communicating their big feelings also struggle to resolve them independently in a way that’s peaceful. As adults, we forget kids’ brains aren’t fully integrated (not until 25!) and often neglect to build a bridge to help connect their emotional centers. This is where peacefulness and connection hides!

Have you ever been to a doctor who simply prescribed a medication without listening to your whole story?

This happened to me recently when I took my husband, Tye, in for an eye exam. Tye had done a really intense workout that caused cloudiness in the corner of one eye so we visited an eye specialist. We were glad someone could see him (no pun intended) but found the doctor and interns asked him the same questions repeatedly yet never truly heard that we were looking for a holistic remedy. Instead, they concluded by prescribing steroid eye drops. We left feeling frustrated and misunderstood because even though we were talking the medical staff wasn’t “hearing.”

When a child is sobbing, yelling, and hating on life it’s important not to prescribe a solution. Instead, notice that her whole story is an emotional one.

For example, say, “I can tell you’re really upset that your sisters are always in your stuff” then stop talking.

When you take time to label her emotion and practice reflective listening it helps your child feel seen and heard. This, in turn, creates a bridge to help connect her emotional center, meaning you’re truly helping her by addressing the root of the problem. When you meet her where she’s at, emotionally, she will be more likely to communicate her feelings in a less violent way over time and develop healthy coping skills.

Did you like this mindful parenting tip? If taking a more emotional/relational approach to parenting interests you check out the Mad2Glad Blueprint and learn the 8 Core Pillars to connect with your kids in a way that’s calm and centered. You, too, can have less stress and more fun at home!

 

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